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A New Breed: Book 2: Chapter 03 by TCPolecat7 A New Breed: Book 2: Chapter 03 by TCPolecat7

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MLP (c) Hasbro

This is one of the darker chapters of this Book, and introduces us to two of the villains within this story. There are others, but these get their own chapter. Also, for everyone who wondered what sort of trap Filigree was flying into... well, you just found out. :evillaugh:

I forgot to put it into the last batch, but critiques and comments and the like are always welcomed and encouraged!

- Polecat

G-doc Link: [link]
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:iconnova225:
Nova225 Featured By Owner May 23, 2012
>“It’s not our job to know why, Lieutenant.”
-‘’It’s not our job to know why, just to die.’’ ...not sure why, but the sentence, coming from ‘random Soldier X’, made me think of this ?

>you’re part of the greatest weapon in the world, the ‘Elements of Harmony’. I will not allow my enemies to possess a weapon of that caliber.”
-Apparently he didn’t got the memo that the Elements of Harmony were a *defensive* weapon, if we can call it a ‘weapon’.

>The Ponies have always been our enemies; some are just too foolish to see it.”
-Ah, I see. The classic ‘ ‘’ass/bad’’ prince that manage to access the throne in a bloodshed, and has overly-militaristic ambitions ’ ?

>“Torturer…” the golden furred king said, “begin with the little one.
-Mmh, ok... Let’s me see the ‘grimdark’ tag... wait ? There is none ? How straaaange... -_-

---

>His side twinged at the memory of the burning wave of rainbow energy that had almost ended his existence for a second time.
> “I suppose I will need a new name,” >“Nightmare Moon somehow doesn’t seem appropriate.”
-Heeeeee... wait, what now ? I’m in *total* confusion, right now ?
Is the ‘Entity’ that was ‘Nightmare Moon’, and then just ‘Nightmare’ was a ‘’male’’ ? Is it the same ‘Entity’ ? Is it Tirak ? ‘’almost’’ and ‘’a second time’’ ?

This section certainly couldn’t have been introduced in a more confusing manner ?

>“I don’t seem to recall you objecting before,” the stallion taunted the reflection
-Ahhh... huh... hummm... Something-something what apparently(?) was left of ‘evil Entity’ and ‘forgot-his-name-Super Pony’ ? Something evil possession... being tricked ? ...previous story, maybe ?

---

>“Oh yes. You thought that would give you some power over me.
>To hunt up this relic… and Equestria yielded its treasure to you
>Now it’s in ME, and unlike a foal like you, I know how to use it. I know how to corrupt it.”
-Soooo... it wasn’t Tirak/resurrected Tirak/ancestor that took the Orb of Sacrifice ? It was just Ultra-Dumb Pony ?

But, wait ? The ‘Entity’ just said ‘Ultra-dumb’ took the Orb hopping it would help him control the ‘Entity’ ? ...that mean he already knew the ‘Entity’ hadn’t been destroyed AND knew where ‘It’ was located ?
How ? (I mean, not even the Princesses knew.)

-----

It was... huh... interesting. But, also surprisingly confusing near the end ?
Reply
:iconnova225:
Nova225 Featured By Owner May 24, 2012
About military through the ages :
-Might have been slightly influenced, also, by the ''red shirts'' of Star Trek. Maybe. But, probably for the most part, related to the ways of ancient armies and the average militaristic cliché ?

>Interesting. I TOLD you I'd manage to piss you off somehow, looks like I did.
-Confused = ''Pissed off'', for you ? Weird... Also, I wouldn't get joy or be content from that sort of things, if I were you. not a good path to follow ; But, then again, you do whatever you want...
Reply
:icontcpolecat7:
TCPolecat7 Featured By Owner May 24, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I'm ex-military, there is always a bit that says "just following orders". Generally you won't be given ALL the reasons, you have to trust your superiors to know it.

Nope, he didn't get that memo, and it comes into play in later chapters.

No grimdark. If he'd actually done it, then I would have labelled it such. This is, admittedly, one of the darker chapters.

Interesting. I TOLD you I'd manage to piss you off somehow, looks like I did. Okay, simple sorting. "The Nightmare" as an alicorn before was known as Nightmare Moon, and just 'the Nightmare" as an Imp. In absorbing Ultrapony (remember the epilogue of Book 1?) it turned the entity male, which was a new experience for him. Thus he looked for a new name...

Yah, figured most readers would figure up Ultrapony had found it. No I don't go into HOW he found it... not for a long time. As for how he found Nightmare... he was waiting for Nightmare at the end of last Book, so he obviously figured something out, or at least guessed it successfully.

- Polecat
Reply
:iconnova225:
Nova225 Featured By Owner May 24, 2012
(delete the duplicate, above. I swear... I think DA's comment system hates me or something ?)

About military through the ages :
-Might have been slightly influenced, also, by the ''red shirts'' of Star Trek. Maybe. But, probably for the most part, related to the ways of ancient armies and the average militaristic cliché ?

>Interesting. I TOLD you I'd manage to piss you off somehow, looks like I did.
-Confused = ''Pissed off'', for you ? Weird... Also, I wouldn't get joy or be content from that sort of things, if I were you. not a good path to follow ; But, then again, you do whatever you want...
Reply
:icontcpolecat7:
TCPolecat7 Featured By Owner May 24, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Not really. In this case the two guard were told all the information Celestia felt necessary. Often the "why" isn't part of information deemed important in a military structure, often because the clearance required to know "why" is higher than you're cleared for. People don't think so, but being ex-Military myself, a LOT of trust is required in your supervisors. You have to be willing to trust in their reasons, and in their commander's reasons, because generally there isn't time or need for "why" until long after it's all done.

No, I don't take joy in it. I was trying to be funny, apparently it didn't come out as I intended. (Curse you interwebs! Curse you!! :shakefist: )

- Polecat
Reply
:iconnova225:
Nova225 Featured By Owner May 25, 2012
Yeah... The Internet is hardly the best ''tool'' for subtlety and for properly understanding the 'intended' feeling(s) from the words.
Because, well, you never can fully know what the other wanted or tried to say.

I believe that is all.
Reply
:iconbngjessie:
BnGJessie Featured By Owner May 22, 2012
Lot's of drama! This is a dark chapter indeed.
Pretty exciting so far. Looking forward to the next chapter. ^_^
Reply
:icontcpolecat7:
TCPolecat7 Featured By Owner May 22, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Yeah, this is one of the darker chapters I've written for this book, but it establishes one of the new villains as well.

- Polecat
Reply
:iconbngjessie:
BnGJessie Featured By Owner May 22, 2012
I can't wait until that gryphon gets his comeuppances. That smug attitude of his really gets on my nerves.
Still, they both seem pretty formidable for our heroes.
Reply
:icontcpolecat7:
TCPolecat7 Featured By Owner May 23, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Oh, King Goldtalon gets more time to chew up the scenery between now and then. ;)

- Polecat
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:iconbngjessie:
BnGJessie Featured By Owner May 23, 2012
Greeeeaaaat. XP
lol.
Reply
:icontcpolecat7:
TCPolecat7 Featured By Owner May 23, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Wouldn't be a very good villain if he went down in the first act, now would he? ;)

- Polecat
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:iconbngjessie:
BnGJessie Featured By Owner May 23, 2012
Of course not. ;)
I was just hoping he'd get fewer lines as the story progresses, lol. =P
Reply
:iconpcdeltalink036:
pcdeltalink036 Featured By Owner May 16, 2012
Great chapter and an awesome fight to go with it. It's cool learning more about the gryphon culture from Filigree. I agree with a lot of the other comments. I hate that gryphon king and can't wait to see him get what he deserves later.

I also found it very interesting that Filigree's escorts are capable of the sonic rainboom (in which case I don't care how many gryphons that king had waiting to intercept those 2 pegasi they'll never catch them). Is the sonic rainboom doable by more pegasi than before simply due to extensive training or perhaps are there more naturally gifted pegasi due to the influence of the special phenomenon? I know that's kind of a minor point of the chapter on the whole but I still found it fun to contemplate just how many guards Celestia has that are much more powerful than I thought them to be.

As for Ultrapony...I hated him so much by the end of the first story and now I'm feeling sorry for him. Seeing him trapped within Eclipse's mind...I just felt bad for him. If this was referenced in the first story I'll have to reread it but I have no idea what Ultrapony found that he possibly thought could help him control Nightmare Moon.

Anyway I can't wait for more chapters. You think it will probably be about the same time frame for now on chapter release (every 2-4 weeks ish)? Keep up the great work. =)
Reply
:icontcpolecat7:
TCPolecat7 Featured By Owner May 16, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Thank you. I was rather pleased with how it came out. It gave Filigree a chance to get a few moments of awesome as well... and introduce one of the new villains via deeds rather than words. The fact that everyone hates him so much means I did it exactly right. ;)

Actually, I think I underplayed things a bit. The guards aren't quite capable of a sonic rainboom. The chariot they were pulling is magicked to help increase/improve the speed of the pullers. Thus working in tandem they could reach speeds they couldn't normally alone. I go over that a little more next chapter, but the chariot's magic was touched upon last chapter.

Again, I did exactly what I was trying to do. Ultrapony let his ego get the best of him, and now he's learning a VERY hard lesson because of it, thanks to Eclipse. As for what he found, I won't say. It was NOT referenced last book, but has been hinted at this book (a few other readers have already pieced it together, if you want to dig through the comments) and will be revealed in coming chapters.

I don't know. I'm going to TRY and keep the 2-week thing, but I'm more working on a "when it's done" schedule with several chapters in reserve for editing. I've technically written up to chapter 8 already (and am just starting 9), but I'm trying to keep roughly 5 chapters in reserve while I work, that way they get plenty of time for editing.

- Polecat
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:iconmetboy:
MetBoy Featured By Owner May 15, 2012
While I'm very happy to see that you're continuing to write these stories... I'm not as happy to see them in PDF format; it's optimized for printing, not for online reading, which is the format I prefer. And now the deviantart page requires that I open a new tab to read it...

Oh, and so things don't sound so much like a gripe... I really do like your stories! :) I just wanted to give feedback on how I think it could be easier for me to read.
Reply
:icontcpolecat7:
TCPolecat7 Featured By Owner May 16, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Unfortunately this is a choice Deviant Art made for me. DA only accepts 3 text formats: TXT, HTML, and PDF. Both the HTML and TXT have a max size limit. PDF allowed me to post the entire thing without splitting it into 2 or 3 parts (and as long as some chapters are, it would require more than 2 parts), which is a boat-load of work for me.

I appreciate the feedback. I actually write in RTF, but DA doesn't accept that format at all.

- Polecat
Reply
:iconponysaurousrex:
PonysaurousRex Featured By Owner May 16, 2012
What about using another site with state tracking, like FimFiction, as a mirror? I believe they even accept RTF documents. That way, you have both the PDF in your preferred location, and an online-readable version.
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:icontcpolecat7:
TCPolecat7 Featured By Owner May 16, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I've chosen not to use FIM Fiction for other reasons, as I've stated before. That and I've been on DA for a long time now, and simply like the ability to do exactly what I'm doing now, converse in messages to my readers.

- Polecat
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:iconmetboy:
MetBoy Featured By Owner May 16, 2012
I'm seeing a big blank spot where there should be art/story/whatever. I'm confident that there's a bug in their coding, as that can't be what they intended. (I'm using Chrome, for the record)

Have you looked at Google Documents for this kind of stuff? It seems to work very well on my smartphone for stories...
Reply
:icontcpolecat7:
TCPolecat7 Featured By Owner May 16, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I did, but Google Documents didn't have the sort of feedback I like. if the PDF hadn't worked, all these files would have been were links to the Google Docs version...

No idea about Chrome. I use Firefox. Sounds like scripts are turned on, check whatever script blocker you have.

- Polecat
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:iconmetboy:
MetBoy Featured By Owner May 16, 2012
I didn't realize DA was limiting you that badly... given that I can't see the story at all using my mobile device, I'm /guessing/ that there are some bugs in the system, and I hope DA works them out soon.
Reply
:icontcpolecat7:
TCPolecat7 Featured By Owner May 16, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
As near as I can tell, DA uses flash or java to display PDF files, while using some internal/coded text thing to display HTML and TXT files. As far as I know, it's not a bug, but just simply how they coded it into their program...

- Polecat
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:iconchill-penguin:
Chill-penguin Featured By Owner May 15, 2012
This is a great thing to wake up to. I seem to be liking filigree more and more nowadays. I assume that trinket is the 5th of the second set of elements, and that ultra pony will go through a redemption stage and end up being the wielder of it. Still don't know about the spark tho. Intriguing work. Keep it up!
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:icontcpolecat7:
TCPolecat7 Featured By Owner May 15, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I always did like Filigree as a character. In some ways more than who is arguably the central character, Clockwork Key. As for UP, I won't ruin any surprises. And nope, no knowledge yet about the "spark", but there will be more on that in upcoming chapters too.

- Polecat
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:iconkotmorda:
kotmorda Featured By Owner May 15, 2012
She would let them die if it wasn't for the young one right?

Nice fight here.
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:icontcpolecat7:
TCPolecat7 Featured By Owner May 15, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
No. She wouldn't have. She didn't expect that they would have to. She hoped that disowning them would clear them of whatever the plans were for her. It didn't work, obviously.

Thank you. :)

- Polecat
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:icondarkonshadows:
DarkonShadows Featured By Owner May 15, 2012
Hm... I'm seeing the situation for what it is; it's going to be a very interesting if a bit dark and it will get a bit darker I'm betting when the other elements fully come into play. Eclipse is a very poor choice of name considering how short the namesakes’ lifespan is.

Traps are fun especially when they are layered traps. Bad guys always make good traps that after they have the hero locked away they always fail to keep them from escaping due to some obscure detail that is always overlooked in guarding the captured hero. Then there is the cutting it close clause in any important heroes contract...

Last thoughts: Filigree will definitely rip a lot of those guys apart before she is brought to temporary confinement and even then she's got a few things still going for her in the wings. Hubris is living with his own mistakes along with a few other problems he has created. I don't understand why a griffon would feel threatened by ponies in general.

Of course griffons would be afraid of the supers, also there is the slight misunderstanding about the elements of harmony by the griffon guy king there... they always come together at the right moment and nothing stops that from ever happening. King feather butt also assumes he’s stopping their ultimate weapon; he’d be wrong as the ultimate weapon of ponies is friendship and lots of calisthenics not to mention eating a healthy diet unless you took one to many trips to a donut shop.
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:icontcpolecat7:
TCPolecat7 Featured By Owner May 15, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Yeah, it's a little darker than usual with the King there. As for Eclipse, his story is still playing out, and has a long way to go still.

Well yes, there's always that oversight. But then, no one (pony, gryphon, human, or otherwise) can see every contingency.

You might be surprised. There's the leverage of those hostages to deal with, and the fact she's already hurt quite badly. I wrote out the fight... where I chose to close it is where it stops being a fight and starts becoming a mob beat-down.

Gryphons would feel threatened by ponies in a number of ways, but the largest one I covered last book in the story of the Outcast (Yes, it WAS important!). Specifically the fact that gryphons were predators,and would hunt ponies until Celestia put a rather sudden and dramatic stop to it ion a moment of anger. Some gryphons never fully came to terms with that...

There's another misunderstanding there about the Elements, but I won't go into that. It becomes a plot point in later chapters, and I don't want to spoil it.

- Polecat
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:iconmcmesser:
McMesser Featured By Owner May 15, 2012  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
Another great chapter really enjoyed it. That fight was really well done. I also agree that Goldtalon needs his ass handed to him on a silver platter.
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:icontcpolecat7:
TCPolecat7 Featured By Owner May 15, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Thank you. I'm rather proud of how this chapter came out. it's one of those rare chapters that a single scene was able to support almost the entire thing start to finish too...

- Polecat
Reply
:iconmcmesser:
McMesser Featured By Owner May 15, 2012  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
Yeah I was quite surprised when it was just about Filigree. Kept on expecting it to go to Clockwork or someone else. But it worked really well.
Reply
:icontcpolecat7:
TCPolecat7 Featured By Owner May 16, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Thank you. Don't worry, Clockwork and the others get more time next chapter. This one just needed to give Filigree some real room, especially since it introduced (rather than just offhandedly mention) her family. I really needed to build up how "different" the Gryphons were from the Ponies...

- Polecat
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:iconleviadragon99:
leviadragon99 Featured By Owner May 15, 2012
Well... Goldtalon needs his ass thoroughly kicked then at the very least.
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:icontcpolecat7:
TCPolecat7 Featured By Owner May 15, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Sounds like this villain hit the right nerves right off. ;)

- Polecat
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:iconleviadragon99:
leviadragon99 Featured By Owner May 15, 2012
Well he certainly makes himself hatable.
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