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MLP...wait..WHAT? by kotmorda

a new breed by fantasyworld002


Submitted on
June 12, 2012
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A New Breed: Book 2: Chapter 05 by TCPolecat7 A New Breed: Book 2: Chapter 05 by TCPolecat7

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MLP (c) Hasbro

Yes, the "Fallen Caesar" style is a reference to Fallout: Equestria. There are a few homages (and not the character) scattered about in book two here...

Also, for those who have been bothering me about the PDF format, starting weith this post (and retroactively added to all previous chapters) there will be a link to the Google Documents version of the story as well. I prefer to link it from here, in hopes that you'll come back and comment on it here. :)

- Polecat

G-doc: [link]
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Nova225 Featured By Owner Jun 14, 2012
>a single dragon could destroy an alicorn.
-Yeeeeeeeah... No. -_-
A single... not at all.

>“the dragons hid a clutch… no, multiple clutches of eggs, right under my nose here in the Everfree Forest!
-Well... that could be something positive for the dragon species in the long term--
>A dark smile washed over the alicorn’s face, and his horn began to glow. He would need to understand every facet and nuance of the spell.
-...or just a kick in the readers' face(hopes)... Thanks. -_-

>if you cannot have her in Canterlot by noon, I or my sister will teleport there and deliver her personally.”
-If she can, then why doesn't she do it in the first place ?

>“Antythin’ incriminatin’ is prolly long gone, but ya’ll never know.”
-I bet on 'Poison'... then in second place, a Special's power.

>frowned at the gray stallion as he rose. His coat seemed darker, almost like the night sky… his face longer
>Clockwork squawked as the Imp’s next assault
-...? Imps are now Changelings or something ?
I'm guessing this is supposed to be a ''new'' variant that appeared at some point... and may or may not be related to the 'Wedding Episode', by any chance ?

>On the grass, only feet away from her, was Lily Pad.
-Ah... some kind of traumatic hallucination thingy. Clever, I suppose...

>earning a sour look from Alto. “You were losing the battle for your chosen mate, and allied with her family!
-Alto..? He's one of the ''griffins' brothers'' from Equestria(Nation), right ? ...I don't recall seeing him in the last chapter ?
Also, my theory about him and the ''trap'' was half true, it would seem.

>no pampered and spoiled pony royalty would dare scuff their hooves in a real fight,” Goldtalon scoffed.
-Woooooow... He's in for one hell of a surprise, isn't he ?

>“He’s always won!” the white gryphon shouted,
-''That's why I chose to betray my adoptive nation, my family living there, and every single being that ever were friendly to me... yep... totally THE best thing I could do.''
*whisper*...Me think he's ''special'' in the head ?

>Instead, she got the one question she hadn’t anticipated… >“What’s a boot?”
-Right... she has never seen a pony, so no 'boots' either. That's somewhat funny.

... And then, a rather large paragraph purely dedicated to point which ''cushion'' on which chair belong to which of the heroes. Not sure why, honestly ? 'Padding' ? ...

>First and foremost, the Elements of Harmony are a defensive magic, and cannot be used in any offensive manner.
-What she said... kinda. ''Passive-aggressive'' would have worked too ;).

>it would guarantee a poisoned cup of tea every time.
-Hey, what do you know ? I win my own bet. Well, 'poison' IS the classic thing, after all.

>“What are the odds she was a special, in addition to being the assassin?” Clockwork asked softly.
>“I’d reckon danged near one-hunnerd percent,”
-Considering that they are in the MLP:FiM-equivalent of 'Genosha'... It's a 99.99999% , if not 100% chance.


Well, overall this was a pretty interesting chapter... but, I don't know what to think of what you're gonna do, or rather how the 'dragons' are gonna end up... again! (this is starting to make me wonder, frankly)...
TCPolecat7 Featured By Owner Jun 15, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Well, in the way I envision it, yeah they could. I also had Celestia state similar in a prior chapter, that she and her sister could handle a few, but any more would whoop 'em.

I carefully didn't answer you about them last chapter because of this addition, and where it's going. ;)

Because the Princesses are busy, but they are also concerned. Thus it's a case of. "Can you do it by our timetable or not" type question.

As you yourself mentioned, yes you won the bet, it was Poison.

Nope. You got it right with your second bit. That was Clockwork flaking... that PTSD is hitting her hard.

Alto got a mention back in Chapter one as the gryphon brother who took a powder. As for his motivations, they might be questionable, but he's sorta like an emo-goth kid, overreacting to everything.

The boot made me chuckle, so I hoped it'd be a decent tension breaker.

I did that mostly as a sort of full reintroduction to the team. It struck me that, at this point, I'd focused very heavily on Clockwork and Filigree, and very little on the rest.I wanted to reestablish everything and give a good "look" to the readers who everypony was.

I liked defensive, but yes, that too.

Heh, the Northern Reaches aren't THAT bad. ;)

Glad to keep you on your toes a little. I'm sure you won't like what'll happen to the dragons... but then, it wouldn't be much of a story if I didn't throw a curveball at you from time to time. ;)

- Polecat
JusticeSnake Featured By Owner Jun 13, 2012
Called it! Dragons!
TCPolecat7 Featured By Owner Jun 13, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Which I carefully did not respond to so I didn't give anything away.

- Polecat
JusticeSnake Featured By Owner Jun 14, 2012
Will we be seeing some pony Splinter Cell/Metal Gear action in the coming chapter(s)?
I also think this Alto character will eventually break and set Filligree and her sis free if he really loved her. Although, he DOES love her, right?
TCPolecat7 Featured By Owner Jun 14, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Probably not in the way you are thinking...

You'll see what's driving Alto, tho he's a bit like an emo kid. He THINKS everything is against him...

- Polecat
Iks83 Featured By Owner Jun 13, 2012
So many typos. Someone should preread it... or just use Word or something.
TCPolecat7 Featured By Owner Jun 13, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
And it just struck me that if you're referring to dialog (especially Apple Bloom's) there's a great deal of intentional misspelling to simulate the various accents and speech patterns the individuals have.

- Polecat
Iks83 Featured By Owner Jun 14, 2012
I was not referring to Appleblooms dialog of course... I am not that stupid.
TCPolecat7 Featured By Owner Jun 14, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Then you're going to have to be a LOT more specific. I ran it through a spell checker again, and found nothing that wasn't intentional in dialog (and Words annoying proclivity to insist "pegasus" is a proper name and needs to be capitalized).

- Polecat
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