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MLP...wait..WHAT? by kotmorda

a new breed by fantasyworld002




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A New Breed: Book 2: Chapter 05 by TCPolecat7 A New Breed: Book 2: Chapter 05 by TCPolecat7

It appears you don't have PDF support in this web browser. Download PDF

MLP (c) Hasbro

Yes, the "Fallen Caesar" style is a reference to Fallout: Equestria. There are a few homages (and not the character) scattered about in book two here...

Also, for those who have been bothering me about the PDF format, starting weith this post (and retroactively added to all previous chapters) there will be a link to the Google Documents version of the story as well. I prefer to link it from here, in hopes that you'll come back and comment on it here. :)

- Polecat

G-doc: [link]
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:iconnova225:
Nova225 Featured By Owner Jun 14, 2012
>a single dragon could destroy an alicorn.
-Yeeeeeeeah... No. -_-
A single... not at all.

>“the dragons hid a clutch… no, multiple clutches of eggs, right under my nose here in the Everfree Forest!
-Well... that could be something positive for the dragon species in the long term--
>A dark smile washed over the alicorn’s face, and his horn began to glow. He would need to understand every facet and nuance of the spell.
-...or just a kick in the readers' face(hopes)... Thanks. -_-

>if you cannot have her in Canterlot by noon, I or my sister will teleport there and deliver her personally.”
-If she can, then why doesn't she do it in the first place ?

>“Antythin’ incriminatin’ is prolly long gone, but ya’ll never know.”
-I bet on 'Poison'... then in second place, a Special's power.

>frowned at the gray stallion as he rose. His coat seemed darker, almost like the night sky… his face longer
>Clockwork squawked as the Imp’s next assault
-...? Imps are now Changelings or something ?
I'm guessing this is supposed to be a ''new'' variant that appeared at some point... and may or may not be related to the 'Wedding Episode', by any chance ?

>On the grass, only feet away from her, was Lily Pad.
-Ah... some kind of traumatic hallucination thingy. Clever, I suppose...

>earning a sour look from Alto. “You were losing the battle for your chosen mate, and allied with her family!
-Alto..? He's one of the ''griffins' brothers'' from Equestria(Nation), right ? ...I don't recall seeing him in the last chapter ?
Also, my theory about him and the ''trap'' was half true, it would seem.

>no pampered and spoiled pony royalty would dare scuff their hooves in a real fight,” Goldtalon scoffed.
-Woooooow... He's in for one hell of a surprise, isn't he ?

>“He’s always won!” the white gryphon shouted,
-''That's why I chose to betray my adoptive nation, my family living there, and every single being that ever were friendly to me... yep... totally THE best thing I could do.''
*whisper*...Me think he's ''special'' in the head ?

>Instead, she got the one question she hadn’t anticipated… >“What’s a boot?”
-Right... she has never seen a pony, so no 'boots' either. That's somewhat funny.

... And then, a rather large paragraph purely dedicated to point which ''cushion'' on which chair belong to which of the heroes. Not sure why, honestly ? 'Padding' ? ...

>First and foremost, the Elements of Harmony are a defensive magic, and cannot be used in any offensive manner.
-What she said... kinda. ''Passive-aggressive'' would have worked too ;).

>it would guarantee a poisoned cup of tea every time.
-Hey, what do you know ? I win my own bet. Well, 'poison' IS the classic thing, after all.

>“What are the odds she was a special, in addition to being the assassin?” Clockwork asked softly.
>“I’d reckon danged near one-hunnerd percent,”
-Considering that they are in the MLP:FiM-equivalent of 'Genosha'... It's a 99.99999% , if not 100% chance.

-----

Well, overall this was a pretty interesting chapter... but, I don't know what to think of what you're gonna do, or rather how the 'dragons' are gonna end up... again! (this is starting to make me wonder, frankly)...
Reply
:icontcpolecat7:
TCPolecat7 Featured By Owner Jun 15, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Well, in the way I envision it, yeah they could. I also had Celestia state similar in a prior chapter, that she and her sister could handle a few, but any more would whoop 'em.

I carefully didn't answer you about them last chapter because of this addition, and where it's going. ;)

Because the Princesses are busy, but they are also concerned. Thus it's a case of. "Can you do it by our timetable or not" type question.

As you yourself mentioned, yes you won the bet, it was Poison.

Nope. You got it right with your second bit. That was Clockwork flaking... that PTSD is hitting her hard.

Alto got a mention back in Chapter one as the gryphon brother who took a powder. As for his motivations, they might be questionable, but he's sorta like an emo-goth kid, overreacting to everything.

The boot made me chuckle, so I hoped it'd be a decent tension breaker.

I did that mostly as a sort of full reintroduction to the team. It struck me that, at this point, I'd focused very heavily on Clockwork and Filigree, and very little on the rest.I wanted to reestablish everything and give a good "look" to the readers who everypony was.

I liked defensive, but yes, that too.

Heh, the Northern Reaches aren't THAT bad. ;)

Glad to keep you on your toes a little. I'm sure you won't like what'll happen to the dragons... but then, it wouldn't be much of a story if I didn't throw a curveball at you from time to time. ;)

- Polecat
Reply
:iconjusticesnake:
JusticeSnake Featured By Owner Jun 13, 2012
Called it! Dragons!
Reply
:icontcpolecat7:
TCPolecat7 Featured By Owner Jun 13, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Which I carefully did not respond to so I didn't give anything away.

- Polecat
Reply
:iconjusticesnake:
JusticeSnake Featured By Owner Jun 14, 2012
Will we be seeing some pony Splinter Cell/Metal Gear action in the coming chapter(s)?
I also think this Alto character will eventually break and set Filligree and her sis free if he really loved her. Although, he DOES love her, right?
Reply
:icontcpolecat7:
TCPolecat7 Featured By Owner Jun 14, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Probably not in the way you are thinking...

You'll see what's driving Alto, tho he's a bit like an emo kid. He THINKS everything is against him...

- Polecat
Reply
:iconiks83:
Iks83 Featured By Owner Jun 13, 2012
So many typos. Someone should preread it... or just use Word or something.
Reply
:icontcpolecat7:
TCPolecat7 Featured By Owner Jun 13, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
And it just struck me that if you're referring to dialog (especially Apple Bloom's) there's a great deal of intentional misspelling to simulate the various accents and speech patterns the individuals have.

- Polecat
Reply
:iconiks83:
Iks83 Featured By Owner Jun 14, 2012
I was not referring to Appleblooms dialog of course... I am not that stupid.
Reply
:icontcpolecat7:
TCPolecat7 Featured By Owner Jun 14, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Then you're going to have to be a LOT more specific. I ran it through a spell checker again, and found nothing that wasn't intentional in dialog (and Words annoying proclivity to insist "pegasus" is a proper name and needs to be capitalized).

- Polecat
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:iconiks83:
Iks83 Featured By Owner Jun 14, 2012
Well a spellchecker won't find a "she" that should be a "he" and similar but a grammar check might point those out. I know I should be more specific so next chapter I will write down all the stuff I find.
Reply
:icontcpolecat7:
TCPolecat7 Featured By Owner Jun 13, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Someone did pre-read it, 2 people in fact, and I use Word for Windows....

- Polecat
Reply
:icondarkonshadows:
DarkonShadows Featured By Owner Jun 12, 2012
Clockwork is having problems distinguishing reality? That’s a rather bad sign for post traumatic stress syndrome related illness, but it happens to the best of us. Especially when you got a attempted murder mystery on your hands and fowl play is happening and there’s not even griffons involved.

Eclipse finding a nest of dragon eggs… yeah that is not exactly surprising. Has anyone ever succeeded in wiping out a species on the first try? Haven’t seen a story that hasn’t fully explained how one would do that without destroying an entire planet. If a species is space capable then it’s doubly impossible to kill off like the humans of Titan A. E., there were the panda’s from Kung Fu Panda 2 for a more recent reference that wasn’t space based.

Last thoughts: Just because a griffon is immune to magic doesn’t necessarily make it a good thing, there’s quite a few problems that only magic could fix... also magic can still be the death of the supposedly ‘god killer’ griffon, but not directly. You have to get inventive to see how that’s possible, but the main question will be what kind of effect the magic neutralizer has. It’s either a field effect making magic ineffective at certain 'controlled' ranges or contact effect meaning only so far as the skin inward is immune and touching makes the person incapable of magic. Also it an have a lingering effect or a immediate effect. Lingering means that the inability to do magic lasts something as short as twenty four hours or the immediate means it comes back once completely outside the range of effect.

A field effect would make it dangerous to anyone who is not a super and relies on magic to fight; IE Unicorns directly and Pegasus manipulating weather to attack indirectly. Basically earth ponies don’t use magic too often and is more subtle for non combat purposes, being naturally physically strong does not mean they are capable of facing a griffon on even grounds and even then with that advantage there’s the griffons infighting that’s bound to weaken them.

Super powers are not all entirely magical effects as it can be biological in nature, as such Clockwork (who is nowhere near there and is notably busy elsewhere for story purposes) could easily use her armor to pound said ‘god killer’ griffon into the ground as it doesn’t necessarily rely on magic. A problem with an active field effect is that the griffons themselves wouldn’t be able to use magic. (Not that it would be much of a problem for the griffons even if they are a bit technologically behind war race archetype) The god-killer could also be useful for beating Eclipse later on in the story…

The griffons are doing an Aquaman plain and simple.

In any case the ball is rolling, can’t wait for the continuation…
Reply
:icontcpolecat7:
TCPolecat7 Featured By Owner Jun 12, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Yeah, Clockwork lost it there for a few moments. This was the first real look at exactly how bad the little khaki mare has it.

Heh. And here I hoped Eclipse's find would be a bit of a surprise. Still, it's definately not in good hands (hooves?).

I agree, however much of it is how such a neutralizer is used. Obviously Goldtalon has "a plan". Of course, the King is only giving out as much information as he wants to right now....

As for "Godkiller". She may make an appearance down the road, but right now she's a bit of a mystery... which is exactly what Goldtalon wants. Let them worry and prepare...

- Polecat
Reply
:iconjiro-dyne:
Jiro-Dyne Featured By Owner Jun 12, 2012
"Just because a griffon is immune to magic doesn’t necessarily make it a good thing, there’s quite a few problems that only magic could fix... also magic can still be the death of the supposedly ‘god killer’ griffon, but not directly. You have to get inventive to see how that’s possible"

Indeed! Got to think outside the box. For example, if it was an earth pony that was immune, hitting them with a fireball wouldn't hurt as it would get nulled. However, hit the ground in front of him, bursting the area in flame, and it will hurt him. However, without Clockwork there, they might not think like that, and next to steelwing she is the strongest physically.
Reply
:iconleviadragon99:
leviadragon99 Featured By Owner Jun 12, 2012
Oh bugger... the last thing anyone needs is for Eclipse to have a dragon army...

And... huh, I actually believed they were under attack from Imps there, Clockwork is indeed pretty far gone if she's hallucinating, even if those dregs did deserve at least some of that smackdown.

And... good to see Swandive got that information through, here's hoping it was soon enough to help...

Huh... I've kinda forgotten who Alto is exactly... but he's certainly a douche in his own right.

And that ninja... defying statistical probability eh? Domino-inspired?
Reply
:icontcpolecat7:
TCPolecat7 Featured By Owner Jun 12, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Dun dun DUNNNNN!!

Yeah. Clockwork lost it a bit there. They deserved a smackdown, I agree, but probably not that much of one.More, it was a bit unexpected, Clockwork is still the least physical of her team.

Yup, Swandive made it. I plan for her to show a little in later chapters... if only because I think her name is damn cool. ;)

Alto was only reference early in Chapter 1. He was Chase's brother, who was part of the gryphon families that Rainbow Star knew and introduced Filigree too. I actually reference those families enough that they make an appearance in later chapters (Something I didn't plan to do, but both my pre-readers and I agreed was necessary).

No, actually. Mostly because I don't really know who Domino is (I know OF her, but never read any of the comics she was in). More about the suited mare will be revealed in coming chapters....

- Polecat
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:iconleviadragon99:
leviadragon99 Featured By Owner Jun 12, 2012
Well the "scientist knowing battle theory well enough to put it into practice" trope is well-established, so I can buy it.

Heh, and she is something of a BAMF for making that trip.

Mm, I kinda remember now... I think this is his first moment "onscreen" s it were?

Ah, then inspired by Longshot or one of the other minor probability manipulators out there?
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:icontcpolecat7:
TCPolecat7 Featured By Owner Jun 13, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Aye, true. I won't argue that.

BAMF? not familiar with that.

Yes, it was. He was offscreen before now.

And no, she's not. The character has a rather unique inspiration that may or may not become apparent as more is revealed about who she is... and what she's capable of. You've only seen the tip of the iceberg laddie. ;)

- Polecat
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:iconleviadragon99:
leviadragon99 Featured By Owner Jun 13, 2012
Bad-ass Mother-Fucker.

Hmm, I guess we'll see then...
Reply
:iconmcmesser:
McMesser Featured By Owner Jun 12, 2012  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
Ohh another chapter, this is getting better and better!
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:icontcpolecat7:
TCPolecat7 Featured By Owner Jun 12, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Thank you. Glad you enjoyed it. :)

- Polecat
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:iconkotmorda:
kotmorda Featured By Owner Jun 12, 2012
New chapter with perfect timing. I was just starting to get bored.
So Anti-magic griffin will sooner or later getting his ass kicked by Clockwork...
... and Clockwork's problem are getting worse and incoming war won't make it better.

I recognized "Fallen Caesar" right away, fun thing.

As for PDA format... as start it was uncomfortable to read, but now I'm used to it so it don't make a difference to me. Also you really should post this and Book 1 on FimFiction - many more people would read this.
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:icontcpolecat7:
TCPolecat7 Featured By Owner Jun 12, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
*chuckle*

Yes, an anti-magic Gryphon. Bound to be one monkey wrench in the works, yes? But Clockwork's problem is... heh.

I figured most would.

The PDF format has gotten a number of complaints due to the way it loads as a flash. So the G-docs is a backup. I won't be posting anything on Fimfic... that place is a sewer. I don't want to be anywhere near some of the fics they allow.

- Polecat
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:iconkotmorda:
kotmorda Featured By Owner Jun 12, 2012
I avoid looking for fanfics on FimFic, unless it's posted on EDaily or recommended in forum thread. But yeah, Fimfic got anything from something awesome to "Worse thing ever".
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:icontcpolecat7:
TCPolecat7 Featured By Owner Jun 12, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
When a brief glance managed to find something close to child porn as a story (foal porn?) I was done with Fimfic. If I find a story posted there, I'll try not to pre-judge it, but I will NOT post my work there.

- Polecat
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